Things I have to do before becoming a Real Housewife of NYC

Anyone that knows me well knows that I am a sucker for a reality tv show. My favorite series is Bravo's Real Housewives. They have had many seasons in different areas throughout the nation such as Orange County California, New Jersey, Atlanta and New York City. I love them, every single one of them. So the question is..........could I be a Real Housewife of NYC? My friend, Nam, has suggested that I try getting onto the show as it needs a younger perspective..........hmmmm, what is the difference between myself and these ladies? Could I hang with them.....or, an even better question, could they hang with me? Anyone looking to begin a new endeavor has to re-evaluate themselves and see what they have to do to get to their goal. So what would I have to do to become a Real Housewife?

1. I would have to buy a house in the Hamptons. Not only do almost all of these ladies have a spacious Manhattan apartment (which I would also have to get because I don't think a film crew could all fit in my cozy 700sq ft) but most of them also have a house in the Hamptons. For you Jersey people, this is like having a shore house on crack. Each weekend the rich people of NYC jump in their cars (or car services) and ride out to the tip of Long Island to go to the Hamptons. These women leave their probable million or so dollar apartment and go to their multi-million dollar summer house. But if I have to do it to get on the show I guess I could suffer through it ;)

2. I would have to start getting dermatologic procedures done. Either chemical peels, or botox and restaline injections. These ladies are obsessed with their skin and looking younger and consider themselves all nat-u-ral because those procedures "are not plastic surgery".........riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. So I guess I will have lip injections and a chemical peel. Put me in for next Friday so I have the weekend to heal and de-puff.

3. My mouth.......well, my potty mouth. These ladies don't hold much back so my lack of internal dialogue will help me fit right in, but the potty mouth I would have to work on. It would be a shame if you couldn't hear the good point that I was making if are you hear are bleeps the entire time. Even my beloved husband has referred to me as a "drunken sailor" when I really get on a roll. I guess I should start working on my vocabulary so that I can better describe my feelings when those bleeping bleeps get on my last nerve.

4. I would have to become a lady of leisure. I could do that......enough said. Already working on it with my cocktail in hand and my research on which charity I want to through my beautiful smile behind. Harlem Children's Zone....call me


So that's it. I'm ready to change for you Bravo tv. Have your people call me, and I'll be ready to start filming for the next season.