Things I have to do before becoming a Real Housewife of NYC

Anyone that knows me well knows that I am a sucker for a reality tv show. My favorite series is Bravo's Real Housewives. They have had many seasons in different areas throughout the nation such as Orange County California, New Jersey, Atlanta and New York City. I love them, every single one of them. So the question is..........could I be a Real Housewife of NYC? My friend, Nam, has suggested that I try getting onto the show as it needs a younger perspective..........hmmmm, what is the difference between myself and these ladies? Could I hang with them.....or, an even better question, could they hang with me? Anyone looking to begin a new endeavor has to re-evaluate themselves and see what they have to do to get to their goal. So what would I have to do to become a Real Housewife?

1. I would have to buy a house in the Hamptons. Not only do almost all of these ladies have a spacious Manhattan apartment (which I would also have to get because I don't think a film crew could all fit in my cozy 700sq ft) but most of them also have a house in the Hamptons. For you Jersey people, this is like having a shore house on crack. Each weekend the rich people of NYC jump in their cars (or car services) and ride out to the tip of Long Island to go to the Hamptons. These women leave their probable million or so dollar apartment and go to their multi-million dollar summer house. But if I have to do it to get on the show I guess I could suffer through it ;)

2. I would have to start getting dermatologic procedures done. Either chemical peels, or botox and restaline injections. These ladies are obsessed with their skin and looking younger and consider themselves all nat-u-ral because those procedures "are not plastic surgery".........riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. So I guess I will have lip injections and a chemical peel. Put me in for next Friday so I have the weekend to heal and de-puff.

3. My mouth.......well, my potty mouth. These ladies don't hold much back so my lack of internal dialogue will help me fit right in, but the potty mouth I would have to work on. It would be a shame if you couldn't hear the good point that I was making if are you hear are bleeps the entire time. Even my beloved husband has referred to me as a "drunken sailor" when I really get on a roll. I guess I should start working on my vocabulary so that I can better describe my feelings when those bleeping bleeps get on my last nerve.

4. I would have to become a lady of leisure. I could do that......enough said. Already working on it with my cocktail in hand and my research on which charity I want to through my beautiful smile behind. Harlem Children's Zone....call me


So that's it. I'm ready to change for you Bravo tv. Have your people call me, and I'll be ready to start filming for the next season.

lynsay 0; cleaning lady 1

I went to take a pre-overnigt work nap today. I was so excited because the bed was made with crisp clean sheets....until I climbed into bed to enjoy. The cleaning lady had tucked the bed so tightly that my lower legs kept falling asleep due to lack of blood flow. Then I tried to get out of bed to pee and found that I was tucked up to my shoulder and almost didn't make it!

lynsay 0
cleaning lady 1

guilt trips don't just come from your mother

So I am pretty sure that the cleaning lady is trying to guilt/embarass me into some pre-cleaning lady cleaning. Whenever we have friends or family come to stay we have the her come by and do a good solid job so that people don't think that we are scuzzy college kids (which is sometimes what this place looks like). So today is that day, and I accidentally came home while she was still here. She said, "oh sorry, still here but almost done. It was a LOT of dusting". Now, this isn't even the first time that she has said that to me.Hmmmm, is she trying to give me a hint? Are her sneezes and sniffling due to all the dust in our apartment and not some slight ragweed allergies? When she says that to me I just look down at the floor and say "oh yea, sorry i know", when honestly what I want to say is......."well yea, I don't like cleaning hence you being here!"

And if she doesn't like all the accumulated dust, then she is really going to hate all the little bits of blown up canadian bacon in the microwave she is about to find!

just because you walk a little dog doesn't mean you have to be a little bitch

Dear girl in my building with the small dog,

With the arrival of the beautiful and sunny weather I thought everyone would be in a great mood, but you proved me wrong. After enjoying a nice morning walk with Dolly in which she came across a lot of dogs in which she had great interactions we walk into the lobby and Dolly ensues with her "I-just-had-a-great-walk" happy dance. She then heard the jingle of dog tags that lets her know another dog is coming around the corner and she gets excited. She sees your little dog and goes running over to play. Your dog obviously wasn't in to it because as Dolly goes running over your dog cowers to the other side of the hallway and keeps moving. Okay, that's fine. Dolly knows that not all dogs need to love her. So I pull her leash a little bit to keep her from chasing your dog. But no barking or attacking occurred. Just some play chasing. Was it really necessary to make a snoody face and comment as if my dog just ate the face off of yours. Really, girl? Like your dog is that cute anyway! Dolly can get way better. Change the attitude and get a life........preferably a happier one!


Love and wet kisses
Lynsay and Dolly

in retrospect.....I have made progress

end of the story....I surpass the left over pizza and drink a green monster for breakfast

whole story....I often wonder if I will be able to keep the weight off. I always feel like one big cupcake binge will throw me right back into my size 18 jeans and all will be lost. But wait....there is a happy ending. First of all, I realized that I have kept the weight off so far. The majority of my weight was lost by last August, so I have already been "keeping it off" for 8 months. That feels pretty good. Another good sign is that I have been enjoying green monster shakes over the weekend (even selling steve on giving it a try and liking it even after I told him what was in it) This morning after walking Dolly and enjoying the beautiful weather I came home ready for some breakfast. I peered into the frig and saw a ton of left over pizza from last night (because steve loves a deal....buy 1 get 1) but I stayed strong and pulled out my spinach, soy milk, banana and frozen cherries and made my green monster. Hooray for me, I have made strides since last year! Lets do a SAT throwback to give an example of my pizza love :
Pizza is to Lynsay
as
Crack is to Whitney Houston

in retrospect.....I have made progress.....hooray!


don't be scared by the ugly color...it is yummy I promise
please note, I did notice the bag of mostly eaten cheetos behind my uber healthy breakfast drink. I know, more progress to go.........

you thought you ran a good race until.......

you find out she had a faster finishing time than you did!
ugh, back to the treadmill drawing board

on a serious note......

I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone that supported me throughout my training. Whether it was through donating to my charity (Think Pink Rocks) or through texts, facebook or listening to me rant and rave I thank you. It is all of you that rocketed me through my training and allowed me to run with your generous donations, and I could not have done it without you!

I also want to thank the charity Think Pink Rocks. If you did not accept me onto your team I would not have been able to complete my goal of running the half-marathon. By accepting me to be part of your team, you allowed me to grow and reach for a personal goal and allowed me to feel great accomplishment at the end of the race. And hopefully, through the donations given by my friends and family we have come closer to finding a cure for cancer so that every women will have a chance to always live out their goals and wishes. It is the people that could not run for themselves that helped me through those last few miles.

For the people that are getting chemo and are too weak, for the people recovering from surgery, and for the people that were taken away too soon.......I also ran for you